If there’s anything in life that has the potential to give us enormous joy and pleasure if it goes well, but that allows us to create our own hell very easily if we don’t know how to go about it, it’s the realm of relationships, any relationship. A lot can be said about how to maintain or improve our primary relationships, with ourselves, with our partners, children and parents. However, there is also a lot of untapped potential when it comes to our connection with all the others we encounter on a daily basis: our colleagues, clients and bosses, the girl at the check-out counter, the janitor at work, the bus driver .. you get the drift.
More often than not we tend to merely see people functionally. We see them as the professional fulfilling the role they represent: a waiter brings us food, the postman brings us letters. What would become possible though if you met each and every person with a true ‘I see you’, both wordily and energetically?
A while ago, I decided to commit to an experiment. Per day I would have at least three conversations with people I did not know at all; they were conversations I couldn’t plan, but because I had my radar on I was now aware of every opportunity. I ended up having a friendly chat with the construction workers in my flat, bantering with the sauna staff, having a random conversation about perfume and Julia Roberts with random people in a random train. I even made a real connection with the guy from the insurance company who called to assess a claim. The mere fact that I started to be more open for connection – instead of running around in my “I’m too busy to connect mode” – has opened me up in such a way that I’ve started attracting great people into my life in all the places I’d never expected them to come in simply because I didn’t look, because I wasn’t available.
If you find people are grumpy, distant or uncaring, check who you are being. If you wish to have better relationships, then start opening up your heart to the people you meet out there so that every moment of connection can fuel you with warm love, thrilling excitement, deep compassion or roaring laughter. This you will inevitably bring into your closest relationships; it will enrich them.
We can get bogged down with all worldly affairs or we can decide to be the change we wish to see. Opening up to just about anyone has made my world a safer, more connected and more enjoyable place to live in. It turns out that where I thought there was no support, there are people every step of the way, just around the corner, if only I engage from human being to human being, and yes, this can also be done with the CEO of a big company or a representative of the Inland Revenue, a policeman on duty or a shoe salesman. Any limitations only live in our minds. Out there our scope for connection is limitless.
Never underestimate the kindness of a stranger.. once you create a safe and true space for them to open up and show themselves to you in all of their beauty, humour, wisdom and vulnerability. This does, however, also require you to be empowering with loving trueness, to no longer play small or say yes when you mean no, deny your own feelings or refrain from speaking up when you disagree .. Any Identity stuff gets in the way of true connection, so share, have it and own it.
Who do you need to be in order to experience more joyful connection with others in your life?
By Mieke Beurskens
Creative Consciousness NL