Blog

12 may
2016

Opening up new possibilities to relate

Young Couple In Quarrel Sitting On Rocks

How can it happen that life brings us from time to time the same challenges? I have dealt with it before, and now I have to deal with it again! Life is a reflection of who you are. If the same thing comes back to you, you haven’t dealt with it in a proper way. This is so true in relationships: the same arguments, fights, discussion come back again and again. Here you have two options: you keep on relating the same way as yesterday and nothing will shift today or tomorrow….. Or you choose to break this pattern! The way to do it is to see your relationships as a possibility to heal past wounds and in this way create new possibilities to relate and engage with each other. What would be your choice?

Unconsciously we bring lots of expectations, needs & wants into our relationships and we expect others and especially our partner to fulfill on all of them. These expectations, needs & wants have their root in our childhood time (most of them), while you as an adult might not even be aware of it. Once aware you can heal them and with that you heal your relationships.

The path may not be easy and may cause pain, however the result is that you are moving into new possibilities to perceive life and your relationships. If you don’t walk that path, you will continue living a life from illusion and self deception, being disconnected, being untrue, not real. Expecting others to make you complete is in a way living your life as a victim.

Whatever happened in your childhood time cannot be undone. Simply because we cannot change the past. However, we can face what is, deal with it in an appropriate way and liberate our self. You might need to work with forgiving, forgiving yourself, your parents, schoolteachers, etc. and/or complete it by seeing what can you acknowledge, what can you let go or what can you decide. And many others ways to deal with it.

Once you see and become true about your expectations, needs & wants, you are able to shift yourself from being a victim or being in reaction (my partner should take care of this, my partner should meet my needs) into becoming a victor, being in creation. Now you become source and you take responsibility for fulfilling your own needs. You shift from blaming others, blaming circumstances, being frustrated or complaining into what would I love to see or have in my life and how can I realize that? You are in action, in creation and you perceive live from this new conscious chosen perspective.

What changes would you love to see happening in your current relationships with your parents, with your boss, your colleagues or your partner? Your life today is driven for a far great deal on unfulfilled expectations, needs/wants, traumatic experiences in your childhood time. Today, on an unconscious level, repressed needs/wants, expectations determine how you interact and engage with other people. All with the purpose of having these unmet needs being met! Which most often never happens for the full 100%. That’s why things that you have dealt with in the past, come back to you again. The key to break this pattern is to see the unfulfilled expectations, needs, wants and also the traumatic experiences during your childhood time. Once you are aware, you can heal them and with that you heal your relationships as well! This is one of the objectives of the Mastery of Relationships. Next possibility to join this training is 27-29th of May.

Based on Alice Miller, The Drama of Being a Child & Creative Consciousness
Charles Ruiters